MONOGAMY, SCHMAGAMY

(sigh)

I no longer believe in marriage in the traditional sense, even though I was in one for 40 years. At the time, I DID believe in it, was committed to it, was happy in it. I'm not saying there weren't ups and downs, but I had great love and respect for the man to whom I said, "I do."

The marriage ended when he re-connected with an old girlfriend five years ago at a class reunion. Last weekend that same class had another reunion at which I'm certain my ex and his woman "celebrated" their "finding" one another five years before. Am I still bitter? You bet. This was a man who was kind, honest (I THOUGHT!), a pillar of the community. He was a wonderful father and grandfather, and I believed he was a wonderful husband. We now know that this man had another side to him that he carefully kept hidden for decades.

I'm not saying this negates all his good qualities, because it doesn't. But it's taken me a lifetime to realize that NO man is cut out for monogamy. In a lifetime of friends I've made, I know 6 couples who do not have at least one divorce between them, and those 6 couples are my age or older. God forbid the younger generations should survive unscathed. I read about the Mark Sanfords and John Edwardses of the world, and they make me sick. Both are married to extraordinary women, and yet it's not enough. It's never enough. Sex is powerful, for sure. Maybe we need more salt peter and less Viagra in the world.

I am enjoying the relationship I've been in for three years; but my divorce taught me not to give everything I have emotionally to it either. It's unfortunate, but I will never be able to be as open with anyone else as I was when I was married. Well, I SAY it's unfortunate, but maybe it's the place I should have been all along.

(sigh)