HEARD ABOUT?

the woman from North Carolina who changed her name from Jennifer Thornburg to CutoutDissection.com? Fer reaaal. She's protesting dead animals being used for dissection in high school biology classes. OMG.

the soccer mom from Pennsylvania whose concealed weapon permit was reinstated. Hopefully her daughter's team will ALWAYS win!

the fact that 36% of Atlanta police academy graduates have criminal records

the Fisher-Price dolls in Oklahoma who coo, "Satan is king" and "Islam is the light." Recalls, recalls.

the San Diego store opened exclusively for customers to smash china, glasses, etc., to express their rage over the economic crisis. The price to smash? $50.

the Canadian man challenging having to pay child support because he insists he was asleep when his ex-girlfriend conceived his child. His story is that he was visiting her and awoke to find her having sex with him. Wet dreams, anyone?

I'm done.

(sigh)

THIS AND THAT

(sigh)

Did you hear about.............

the Chicago woman who bought a house in Saginaw, Michigan, on eBay for $1.75?

the Massachusetts church that is encouraging the congregation to bring their dogs to "woof 'n' worship" services?

Ford's announcement that many of their 2010 cars will have special keys for teen drivers that can limit the speed of the vehicle and the volume of the audio system?

Marino, Italy's plumbing error that diverted white wine dedicated to a wine festival fountain into individual homes?

California's new marriage licenses which allow either partner or both to declare themselves "bride" or "groom" or "first person" or "second person"?

(sigh)

THE TOWN HOUSE

Left: The old movie theater as it is today

(sigh)

When I was a young child growing up in a small Virginia town, entertainment was playing Kick the Can on a summer afternoon or sledding down the Baptist Church hill in winter (providing we had been blessed with a snowfall). There were also Saturday afternoon double features at the one operating movie theater, which was owned by the town eccentric, Mr. Hal Lyon. Mr. Lyon also owned a magnificent old place called The Town House, which was a fairly upscale hotel and what would be termed a bed and breakfast today. The Town House had a restaurant, too, and it was a special treat to have dinner there. There was the yummiest fried chicken and prime rib and homemade cobblers for dessert.

But for me the best part of having dinner at The Town House was when Hal Lyon downed half a pint of Jack Daniels and stumbled into the dining room to pound out dirges on the pipe organ. Did I mention he was eccentric? I always loved to watch him swaying side-to-side with his eyes closed belting out a deafening chorus of his latest favorite. My parents were, of course, horrified at this, but I was enthralled every time. I didn't recognize it as such then, but it was dreadfully depressing music; but I loved the sound of the pipe organ and thought Mr. Lyon was terrific.

I recently found an old menu that was printed in the local hometown paper many, many years ago -- I guess my mother saved it -- and I laughed out loud at the prices. A dinner with soup, salad, entree, dessert and beverage was

$1.50!!!

The good ole days, huh?

(sigh)

SOUTHERN WORDS AND PHRASES

(sigh)

If you're from the south, this stuff will be familiar. If you're not, incorporate one or two of these phrases into your conversation and see if you don't get a smile.

Two shakes of a cow's tail

Ain't that the berries

Caught with your pants down

Easy as fallin' off a log

It's gooder'n grits

In a coon's age

Hog wild

My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.

Shuckin' and jivin'

S _ _ _ _ ing in high cotton

Fly off the handle

Either fish or cut bait

Like a bump on a log

Trifling (meaning lazy)

That takes the cake.

Stompin' grounds

Sight for sore eyes

Cold as a witch's tit

And the best of all: Bless your heart. It's rumored you can say anything you want about a person -- even naughty stuff -- so long as you say, "Bless his/her heart" afterward. (Don't ya just love the south?!)

(sigh)

ONE ECONOMIC SOLUTION

(sigh)

Check out this tidbit by Birk Birkenmeier -- what an interesting take on a "solution" for our economic woes!**********************************************************************************************************

How great is our bureaucracy!!

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It Dividend."

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion, which equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a "We Deserve It Dividend."

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family? Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved. Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads. Put away money for college - it'll be there. Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs. Buy a new car - create jobs. Invest in the market - capital drives growth. Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves. Enable deadbeat dads to come clean - or else. Remember this is for every adult U.S. citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ('vote buy') economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure, it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.' But can you imagine the coast-to-coast block party??? How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion "We Deserve It Dividend" more than the geniuses at AIG or in Washington, D.C . And remember, the Birk plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,

BirkT. J. Birkenmeier

A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

***********************************************************************************************************

I LOVE THIS CREATIVE THINKING! (LOL)

FINALLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sigh)

It's comforting that slimeball O. J. Simpson is finally getting his just desserts. His conviction Friday on all 12 counts against him in Las Vegas is the culmination of his bad-ass behavior which has been part and parcel of who this man really is. The fact that he can evoke such "loyalty," however, from some of his acquaintances is mind-boggling. Some people, I suppose, remain starstruck from his football days.

Of course there's the requisite talk about how this verdict was "payback" from the widely-held belief that he got away with the murder of his ex-wife and Ron Goldman in 1994. I even read where one of his attorneys may base the inevitable appeal on just that and the fact that it was an all-white jury in Las Vegas -- presumably they are all racists and are also unable to separate the past murder trial from this one. Well, the jury in his murder trial was predominately black, and they gave him the ultimate pass in the face of overwhelming physical evidence. It was, and is, a travesty of justice if there ever was one.

All that said, this case hopefully was judged on its own merits without regard to past black jurors bitch-slapping Lady Justice for all those years in the cotton fields. America's shame of the past had no place in Simpson's murder trial.

I was disgusted at that 1994-95 trial. This time, not so much.

(sigh)