CRINOLINES

(sigh)

OK, how many of you female baby boomers remember these scratchy but beautiful things? I was talking to a classmate from the past recently, and for some reason we segued out of nowhere into a dialogue about crinolines -- something neither of us had given a thought to in many, many years. I'm certain there are people out there who haven't a clue what a crinoline is, so I'm gonna tell you.

A crinoline is, first and foremost, a beast from hell -- right up there with the old-fashioned girdle and underwire bras. They're stiff, scratchy petticoats that make a dress billow at the bottom and provide an overall effect of "flounce" to an outfit. If one also wore nylons the effect was like Velcro when the crinoline and hose came into contact. But growing up in the south in the fifties and sixties, short white gloves and party dresses with crinolines underneath were standard fare for young girls. I remember pulling on those crinolines under my taffeta dress and heading out to "Cotillion" where girls and boys shyly learned to dance and relate appropriately to one another. Boy, have times changed. Thirteen-year-old girls now look, dress and act like 30-year-olds, and the only gloves they can relate to are Michael Jackson's.

Since I appear to be underwear challenged, in a future post I will address whether garter belts go under or over the panties. I have been globally torqued over this since 1960, and I'm going to resolve it in the near future. It doesn't matter that no one but the sex kittens wear these things any more -- I believe they're wrong-headed in their underwear adjustments. With Victoria's Secret being sued by a woman whose thong shot its small decoration into her eye (isn't the visual hilarious???), I feel it imperative to straighten out the garter belt question.

Life is sooooooo hard!

(sigh)