HAPPY NEW YEAR

(sigh)

Happy New Year to all of you who made a difference to me in 2008, and you know who you are! But in case you're modest, here's to ya'!

For the special friendship we have and the fun you add to my life: Diana, Nancy, Becky, Linda S., Elaine
For the bond we still have after all these years: Linda M., Jill N., Bobbie Lee, Ginger, Lou, Kitty, Peg, Jan, Judy D.
For the hilarious emails: All of the above but ESPECIALLY Tom P., Tim G., Jill N., Diana and Randy
For the frequent reminder that there's still decency in the world: Barb
For the intellectual stimulation: "Mr. Kong"
For giving your best counsel, time after time: Betty
For the commisseration: Tom M.
For showing me the way: Harriet
For "being there": Pat and Gerald
For the reality checks: Terri
For listening: Almost all of you, but Diana, Nancy and Becky in particular
For all of the above and everything in between: Bill

Cheers!

THE YEAR IN SAN FRANCISCO

(sigh)

It just wouldn't be right to go without a year-ending post on the left coast zombies in San Francisco. Just take 90 seconds to reflect on SOME of what's transpired in that city during the past year.

There were the usual nutso antics, such as the Bark and Whine extravaganza for pets and their owners; the obscene Gay Pride parade; the stupidity of the local government deciding to issue ID cards to residents without a gender being named since it may be "confusing" to all the transgenders; and the nude bike rides through the city.

But San Francisco has also adopted legislation providing for legal shoot-up clinics to be funded by taxpayer dollars. Surely there's a better way to deal with the exorbitant rate of AIDS infection than this enabling of illegality.

A kindergarten teacher took her class on a "field trip" to city hall to witness her lesbian "marriage."

An effort to legalize prostitution was thankfully voted down, but the fact that it was even considered makes me shudder.

Worse yet, San Francisco has become an infamous sanctuary city by not just allowing illegal aliens who commit heinous crimes to remain there but by steadfastly refusing to turn them over to federal immigration officials. For some reason, the city has adopted a "kiss my ass" approach to the rest of civilized society and to law enforcement in particular.

The city, famous (infamous?) for its "tolerance," has NO tolerance for our military, having refused to allow the Blue Angels to perform over the city and by kicking out military recruiters. They also banned ROTC from the public high schools. This kind of stuff makes me crazy. I cringe at what's in store for 2009.

(sigh)

BOOKS OF INTEREST

(sigh)

For those of you who read regularly and are looking for suggestions, here are some books I've read this year and found interesting:

For Insight: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain; Kite Runner by Kaled Hosseini
For Inspiration: The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch; The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck; Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish
For Chills: 7th Heaven by James Patterson; The Constant Gardener by John Le Carre
For Info: Barefoot Contessa, Back to Basics by Ina Garten
For Intrigue: The Lazarus Project by Alekandar Hemon
For the Exotic: Dangerous Laughter by Steven Millhauser
For Thought Provocation: The Dark Side by Jane Mayer
For Understanding the Mind of a Certain Individual: A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity by Bill O'Reilly
For Virginia Readers: Scorched Earth by David L. Robbins
For Fun: Skinny Dip by Carl Hiassen; The Appeal by John Grisham
For Laughs: Obama Nation by Jerome Corsi

Enjoy!

ANTHONY BOURDAIN

(sigh)

Television being what it is -- a cesspool of crotches, profanity and illegal uses of a variety of substances and metal objects with triggers -- has pretty much turned me off. While there are a handful of interesting and literate shows, the majority of offerings are "not ready for prime time." They're amateurish, vulgar, senseless, embarrassing and overall unwatchable.

That said, the Travel Channel has a terrific show in Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations. This isn't a travelogue per se; it's an adventure seen through the eyes of a fiftyish writer and chef. Bourdain isn't your usual host -- he's cut from a totally different mold. He's a little irreverent, a little bit bad boy, but always kind and accepting and appreciative of the unusual cultures, habits and foods of the places he visits. His treks don't follow the usual tourist maps -- he's almost always searching the underbellies of cities for the way the natives actually live day-to-day. His trip to Egypt totally ignored the Pyramids as he was disgusted at the tourist traps they have become.

Bourdain himself is an accomplished chef and writer. His first book, Kitchen Confidential, was an expose of sorts of the restaurant business in New York, a topic not many would find an interesting read but was actually a page-turner. The success of that book opened up opportunities for his current show, which has been going strong for quite a while. The show's success lies in the places he visits -- Indonesia, Laos, Uzbekistan, for example -- NOT places like Hawaii, the Bahamas or Paris. It's all fascinating.

Check it out.

GRATITUDE

(sigh)

About this time every year the sentimental horn of plenty arrives at my house and proceeds to infuse me with gratitude. Gratitude from the obvious to the silly, but gratitude nonetheless. This year is no different, but I notice that the older I get the more philosophically DEEP my gratitude becomes. That's not to say that my gratitude doesn't still extend to Haagen Daz coffee ice cream, because it does......it just means that there are more "reflective" items on my list than indulgent ones. So, for what it's worth, here's my list.

In no particular order of importance, I'm grateful and say thanks daily for

Haagen Daz coffee ice cream

my wonderful, caring friends

the fact that I no longer have hot flashes

whatever writing ability I possess because it provides a wonderful release

sweet tea

my children and grandsons, all of whom keep me young

not being Nancy Pelosi

Duke basketball

Moet Chandon champagne

a life filled with wonderful experiences with wonderful people

the SOUTH and its hospitality, culture and FOODS

that I'm female and don't have to worry about erectile dysfunction

financial stability

a terrific guy to share my life

Now there have been dark moments the past several years, but THANKS to a lot of people who cared, I made it through them. And I believe I came out a calmer, more appreciative person. (I know, I know. Some will question my use of any word involving "calm.") But I AM and I know I am. For that I'm also grateful.

(sigh)

DOO WOP

(sigh)

Tonight I watched two hours of Doo Wop on PBS and enjoyed listening to all the oldies I grew up dancing to, making out to, singing along with. You know -- the songs that actually had lyrics (like shee bop shee bop, do wa diddy diddy dum diddy do) and absolutely no "F" bombs or other profanity. What a joy!

Funny thing though.

The folks in the audience looked

O
L
D !!!!!!!!!

(sigh)

CHRIS MATTHEWS

(sigh)

If you even know who Chris Matthews is, you're most likely feeling as I do: this guy needs to put a sock in it and forget about running for Arlen Specter's (R-Pennsylvania) Senate seat in 2010. Not that Arlen Specter holds any appeal for me, but Matthews is such a partisan blowhard that the thought of a Senator Matthews makes me cringe. He has a show on MSNBC where he interrupts and overtalks any and all guests, even worse than Bill O'Reilly. He is an arrogant egotist who needs to learn the meaning of constructive debate rather than employing his overbearing personality to steamroll those with conflicting opinions.

He belongs right up there with Al Franken.

(sigh)

COFFEE

(sigh)

For reasons too long and involved to list here, I did NOT have the usual 16 ounces of java this morning, and my day has been off-center since my feet hit the floor at 5:45 a.m. It's now 12 hours later and I do NOT feel like myself. It must be caffeine withdrawal because I'm edgy, cranky and in need of a huge espresso.

I don't even LIKE espresso, but I'm certain I need one.

I didn't get up this morning INTENDING to forego the coffee -- it just happened. As the day wore on I figured it was too late to start infusing myself with caffeine. But it's dinnertime now and I most likely WON'T sleep tonight if I don't pour a huge mug of the steaming black stuff down my throat. The Kenya AA light roasted beans are calling.

I'll probably sleep like a baby.

(sigh)

RECESSION???

(sigh)

So retail sales are down, the credit markets have seized up, the unemployment rate rose, etc., etc. A recession, right? That's what the experts say, but you wouldn't have known it at Short Pump Towne Center in Richmond yesterday.

The parking lot at this huge shopping complex was full to overflowing; Crate and Barrel was packed; you could barely walk in the Godiva chocolate store; The Cheesecake Factory had an hour and fifteen minute wait for a table. None of these establishments are low-end, so there was plenty of money (or plastic) being bandied about.

Is this a great country, or what?

(sigh)

HOLY S * * *

(sigh, sigh, sigh)

Here's more evidence that the crazy left-wing liberals are slowly but most certainly taking over this country.

In Silverton, Oregon, mayor Stu Rasmussen has been re-elected even though he now is sporting long red hair, dresses and high heels. The picture on the left is Rasmussen BEFORE his transvestite phase began; on the right is his new countenance. He says he's straight, has a girlfriend but just enjoys dressing as a female, which is how he now attends to his mayoral duties. He needs to take a quick look in the mirror -- he looks much better as a G - U - Y!

WHAT are the folks in Silverton, Oregon, THINKING?????????

(sigh again)

HEARD ABOUT?

the woman from North Carolina who changed her name from Jennifer Thornburg to CutoutDissection.com? Fer reaaal. She's protesting dead animals being used for dissection in high school biology classes. OMG.

the soccer mom from Pennsylvania whose concealed weapon permit was reinstated. Hopefully her daughter's team will ALWAYS win!

the fact that 36% of Atlanta police academy graduates have criminal records

the Fisher-Price dolls in Oklahoma who coo, "Satan is king" and "Islam is the light." Recalls, recalls.

the San Diego store opened exclusively for customers to smash china, glasses, etc., to express their rage over the economic crisis. The price to smash? $50.

the Canadian man challenging having to pay child support because he insists he was asleep when his ex-girlfriend conceived his child. His story is that he was visiting her and awoke to find her having sex with him. Wet dreams, anyone?

I'm done.

(sigh)

THIS AND THAT

(sigh)

Did you hear about.............

the Chicago woman who bought a house in Saginaw, Michigan, on eBay for $1.75?

the Massachusetts church that is encouraging the congregation to bring their dogs to "woof 'n' worship" services?

Ford's announcement that many of their 2010 cars will have special keys for teen drivers that can limit the speed of the vehicle and the volume of the audio system?

Marino, Italy's plumbing error that diverted white wine dedicated to a wine festival fountain into individual homes?

California's new marriage licenses which allow either partner or both to declare themselves "bride" or "groom" or "first person" or "second person"?

(sigh)

THE TOWN HOUSE

Left: The old movie theater as it is today

(sigh)

When I was a young child growing up in a small Virginia town, entertainment was playing Kick the Can on a summer afternoon or sledding down the Baptist Church hill in winter (providing we had been blessed with a snowfall). There were also Saturday afternoon double features at the one operating movie theater, which was owned by the town eccentric, Mr. Hal Lyon. Mr. Lyon also owned a magnificent old place called The Town House, which was a fairly upscale hotel and what would be termed a bed and breakfast today. The Town House had a restaurant, too, and it was a special treat to have dinner there. There was the yummiest fried chicken and prime rib and homemade cobblers for dessert.

But for me the best part of having dinner at The Town House was when Hal Lyon downed half a pint of Jack Daniels and stumbled into the dining room to pound out dirges on the pipe organ. Did I mention he was eccentric? I always loved to watch him swaying side-to-side with his eyes closed belting out a deafening chorus of his latest favorite. My parents were, of course, horrified at this, but I was enthralled every time. I didn't recognize it as such then, but it was dreadfully depressing music; but I loved the sound of the pipe organ and thought Mr. Lyon was terrific.

I recently found an old menu that was printed in the local hometown paper many, many years ago -- I guess my mother saved it -- and I laughed out loud at the prices. A dinner with soup, salad, entree, dessert and beverage was

$1.50!!!

The good ole days, huh?

(sigh)

SOUTHERN WORDS AND PHRASES

(sigh)

If you're from the south, this stuff will be familiar. If you're not, incorporate one or two of these phrases into your conversation and see if you don't get a smile.

Two shakes of a cow's tail

Ain't that the berries

Caught with your pants down

Easy as fallin' off a log

It's gooder'n grits

In a coon's age

Hog wild

My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.

Shuckin' and jivin'

S _ _ _ _ ing in high cotton

Fly off the handle

Either fish or cut bait

Like a bump on a log

Trifling (meaning lazy)

That takes the cake.

Stompin' grounds

Sight for sore eyes

Cold as a witch's tit

And the best of all: Bless your heart. It's rumored you can say anything you want about a person -- even naughty stuff -- so long as you say, "Bless his/her heart" afterward. (Don't ya just love the south?!)

(sigh)

ONE ECONOMIC SOLUTION

(sigh)

Check out this tidbit by Birk Birkenmeier -- what an interesting take on a "solution" for our economic woes!**********************************************************************************************************

How great is our bureaucracy!!

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a "We Deserve It Dividend."

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion, which equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a "We Deserve It Dividend."

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family? Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved. Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads. Put away money for college - it'll be there. Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs. Buy a new car - create jobs. Invest in the market - capital drives growth. Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves. Enable deadbeat dads to come clean - or else. Remember this is for every adult U.S. citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ('vote buy') economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure, it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.' But can you imagine the coast-to-coast block party??? How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion "We Deserve It Dividend" more than the geniuses at AIG or in Washington, D.C . And remember, the Birk plan only really costs $59.5 billion because $25.5 billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,

BirkT. J. Birkenmeier

A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

***********************************************************************************************************

I LOVE THIS CREATIVE THINKING! (LOL)

FINALLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sigh)

It's comforting that slimeball O. J. Simpson is finally getting his just desserts. His conviction Friday on all 12 counts against him in Las Vegas is the culmination of his bad-ass behavior which has been part and parcel of who this man really is. The fact that he can evoke such "loyalty," however, from some of his acquaintances is mind-boggling. Some people, I suppose, remain starstruck from his football days.

Of course there's the requisite talk about how this verdict was "payback" from the widely-held belief that he got away with the murder of his ex-wife and Ron Goldman in 1994. I even read where one of his attorneys may base the inevitable appeal on just that and the fact that it was an all-white jury in Las Vegas -- presumably they are all racists and are also unable to separate the past murder trial from this one. Well, the jury in his murder trial was predominately black, and they gave him the ultimate pass in the face of overwhelming physical evidence. It was, and is, a travesty of justice if there ever was one.

All that said, this case hopefully was judged on its own merits without regard to past black jurors bitch-slapping Lady Justice for all those years in the cotton fields. America's shame of the past had no place in Simpson's murder trial.

I was disgusted at that 1994-95 trial. This time, not so much.

(sigh)

"NIGHTS IN RODANTHE"

(sigh)

For those of us living on the East Coast and familiar with the Outer Banks, "Nights in Rodanthe" is a must-see if only for the familiar surroundings. It's based on Nicholas Sparks' novel of the same name, and the exterior shots were filmed in Rodanthe on Hatteras Island. The actual house used in the exteriors, "Serendipity," is full of character as many Outer Banks cottages are. This is a true old maiden of a place, unlike the sleek all-amenities homes north of Duck. It's what the Outer Banks has always been about.

"Nights in Rodanthe" is a simple five-hanky story, but it's a great way to spend a couple of hours. Diane Lane is her usual charming self; Richard Gere, who I normally don't care for, actually gives a pretty low-key and sweet performance.

You'll like it.

(sigh)

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

(sigh)

"Many a man thinks he is patient when, in reality, he is indifferent."

- B. C. Forbes

Think about that.

MICKEY D'S AND US

(sigh)

I WAS going to title this post, "Big Brother, Get Your Hands Off My Big Mac," but decided it could be misconstrued -- as could "Big Brother, Get Your Hands Off My Quarter-Pounder (or McNuggets)." Therefore, the evolution of "Mickey D's and Us." (Lord, blogging is hard!)

At any rate, this is about a recent ruling by the City of Los Angeles imposing a moratorium on opening any new McDonald's, Burger Kings or other fast-food restaurants in one of the poorer sections of the city. They cite soaring rates of obesity and obesity-related illnesses in this area, and they blame fast food for most of it. The city opposes new fast-food chains from establishing new businesses there so there will be room for more healthful restaurants and grocery stores.

What's interesting is that this area is home to half a million poor and minority folks who most likely won't be able to afford the likes of fare from Panera Bread or the Green Grocer. I find it amazing that Californians allow this level of Big Brother involvement; but then again, NOTHING the State of California does surprises me any more.

(sigh)

THE ECONOMY (WHAT A MISNOMER!)

(sigh)

The Democrats are right.

The public IS too stupid to manage its personal affairs. The Democrats for years have been passing law after law after law "guiding" us in the right direction because they know we can't make the right decisions. They, of course, would never say such a thing, but that's what they think and they have been forever legislating in that direction. I have been frustrated with that party since I was old enough to vote, and for that very reason; but you know what? They're right on the money in their belief that we can't think for ourselves. The Democrat party itself has made some horrendous governing decisions over the years, but they're just trying to "protect" us. Get it?

Well, I'm at wits end with BOTH parties at this juncture, but most especially with the Democrats because they will turn this economic crisis into a political free-for-all, the rest of us be damned. I despise them all. If I could get my hands around Barney Frank's neck, I'd strangle him until his testicles turned blue. Wait......Does he even HAVE testicles? Jesus.

I'm not suggesting that the Bush administration has done everything right, but I believe that the President and his minions will own up to mistakes when faced with the choice of going down the tubes or rallying support for the party. The Democrats can't and won't do that -- their own butts come first ------before the American people, before national security, before anything. Every last one of those clowns should be voted out of Congress and prosecuted for betraying the public trust.

The issue of the rescue plan being debated ad infinitum when speedy decisions are in order is one instance of the Democrat stupidity. Instead of recognizing that if this plan to save the economy is to work, it must be done quickly before Wall Street implodes and the dominoes fall all the way to our money market funds. The fact that Barney Frank (who, by the way, heads the House Financial Services Committee and this crap happened on his oversight) is pushing for an equity clause to be added to the rescue plan (which would cost billions MORE), is just insanity. Frank pushed and pushed and pushed for providing funds for housing to low income families, which has been the basis for the sub-prime mortgage crisis. He now wants to include in the bailout plan funds to those homeowners who defaulted on their loans. Where is individual ACCOUNTABILITY???????????

I keep saying this. We are in deep dog doo-doo, and it just keeps getting deeper!

(sigh)

IDEALISM

(sigh)

"Idealism increases in direct proportion to one's distance from the problem." - John Galsworthy

APPLE HARVEST

(sigh)

Saturday evoked a gorgeous sunrise -- a big, orange ball shimmering through my windows. Temperature was just a little on the chilly side -- I could see my breath when going out for the newspaper. As mentioned many times, I love fall, and this day was one of many reasons why.

We decided to drive the 70 miles to Winchester, VA, to the Apple Harvest festival, which is a cozy event -- not to small or too large -- in a pretty foothills town. It was a pleasant drive without much traffic, skirting by Rt. 17 farmland where the alfalfa had recently been baled and sat scattered in the fields.

The festival was the usual fare of craft artisans (where I purchased my first Christmas gift for the upcoming holiday), food vendors (where I purchased a great, but messy, cheesesteak AND a festival staple -- the funnel cake). I was trying to decide between that and cotton candy, but I was already a mess from the cheesesteak. There were bluegrass bands, square dancing, rides for the kids and 50 porta potties. There was the requisite apple pie baking contest and a demonstration of making apple butter.

I spent a good while sitting at a picnic table debating with a perfect stranger the merits of a cheesesteak, which condiments should sit atop it or be left out entirely, whether the beef should be grilled or sauted. Following that discussion a family of five joined me at the table and began telling me their plans for the day, which included a birthday celebration for the 40 year-old daughter. It was a pleasant exchange from pleasant people -- I love how southerners have never met a stranger.

WE ARE SO COOL!

THE SAUDIS AND THE LITTLE BLUE PILL

(sigh)

It seems that those self-righteous Saudi men -- those who refuse to allow WOMEN any significant rights whatsoever -- are themselves enjoying the benefits of that little blue pill. Estimates are that some 35 million Arab men have used it an average of 50 times each, all praising Allah for its "enormous" relevance to their personal lives. Someone said if only there were a POLITICAL Viagra "to restore the situation to an upright position."

LOL

TIRED, TIRED, TIRED

(sigh, sigh, sigh)

The one downside to being retired is that I have nowhere to hide from the news, all of which is bad. While the past year has been depressing from the standpoint of what's happening to America and the rest of the world, the past couple of weeks have just been deplorable. I actually feel a physical exhaustion from the chaos that is "news," and not unrolling the newspaper nor leaving the t.v. off is enough to divorce me from it all.

Neighbors stop me on the street to talk about the political candidates, the economy, the war in Iraq and Afghanistan; a do-nothing Congress; friends call to rant about the liberal media, the lack of accountability, the nuts in California and Vermont; my family calls or visits to talk about kids' lack of interest in school, the rudeness of parents at high school sporting events, Aunt So-and-So's dementia, the cost of gasoline. Is there NO good news out there anywhere?

(sigh)

ALBUQUERQUE AND THE FLYING STAR CAFE

(sigh)

You know, I've written about Albuquerque several times on southernsighs1, primarily because there's so much to write about and also because I love it out there. I have friends who were assigned to Kirtland Air Force Base in the seventies, and the females of those couples had nothing good to say about ABQ.......too dry, too much dust, too uncivilized, nothing to do, etc.

I hadn't been to ABQ then so I don't know if their assessment at the time was correct or not; but today that beautiful city has taken on a cosmopolitan feel while still maintaining its individuality. Its natural beauty is breathtaking, its architecture amazing, its history revered, its culture celebrated. It doesn't take long to fall in love with the place.

I was there just before Christmas several years ago visiting friends, and we were strolling through Old Town just at dusk. It was cold and all the boutiques on the square were shimmering with Christmas lights. It started to snow, and it was such a magical moment that I'll never forget it. There's something unusual but endearing about scores of hanging red chile peppers interspersed with tiny white lights.

Sixty miles north of there is Santa Fe -- a truly beautiful and upscale, artsy community full of interesting people, homes, ranches, shopping. Santa Fe has its own personality and it's a fun place to visit -- it has a "small town" feel to it but it's home to some big money folks. There's a bit of snobbishness about some of the "new money" here, but the locals are kind, warm people.

Back in ABQ there's a wonderful small local chain of eateries called The Flying Star Cafe. They're unique places filled with wonderful food, walls of current magazines, interesting outside places to sit and sip some of the best coffee you'll ever have. One of the locations sits just at the base of the Sandia Mountains, and the scenery is gorgeous. These cafes are not the least bit pretentious -- they're just warm, cozy places to have a terrific meal, sandwich, or one of their unbelievable desserts. The service is caring but slow, but it doesn't matter. You can spend your time people-watching, browsing their stacks of mags or just taking in the surrounding views.

I'm ready to go back.

(sigh)

THE RIGHT IDEA

I love this!!!!!!

AMERICA IMPROPER

(sigh)

After two weeks of political conventions, partisan rancor, oneupmanship stunts, I'm ready for this election season to be

O

V

E

R.

I can't recall campaigns this ugly in a lot of years, and it doesn't serve us well as Americans. We've got it wrong and I doubt if either side has the stones to make it right.

And do we really WANT presidential candidates to identify with Joe Blow Everyman? I, for one, do not. Why, you ask? Here's why. Because the American people in general are so ill-informed, so "gimme" oriented that I would shudder to have a leader who sponsored more of the same. I want the person running the country to see past the free lunch. It doesn't matter what color, what gender, how young, how old that person is -- so long as he or she understands that we have become America Improper and we need fixing as a people.

I'm just not sure there's anyone out there who can motivate us in the right direction any more.

(sigh)

BIRD POOP

(sigh)

I swear to you this is a "REAL" issue.

In skimming stories from the convention, I ran across one about protesters outside the convention hall (AND at the Beijing Olympics) who are incensed that bird watchers voyeuristically (is that a word?) observe our feathered friends "having sex." At first I thought this had to be a joke, but these folks evidently are serious and have a website: www.stopbirdporn.org.

SURELY there must be a cause that nuts like these can embrace which would have more (OMG) RELEVANCE!

We are becoming such sick puppies in this country.

(sigh)

MALE INFERTILITY

(sigh)

Have you read the latest report about how heated car seats may render males infertile? Heat has been shown to decrease sperm numbers and affect motility, but the Germans have spent research funds checking out whether the heated seats raise scrotum temps enough to wreck havoc on getting the little buggers up the road.

Who THINKS of this stuff?

(sigh)

DEM'S GREEN

(sigh)

Wanna follow the Dems lead in Denver? Look closely at the picture here and use it as a guide for what each meal you eat should include. Be sure you have a tri-color palette on your plate.

I'm all for saving the environment, but the current "green" convention going on now in Denver has me in hysterics. I have a feeling these folks have ALL come from San Francisco! The extent of the "green" guidelines is the typical over-reaching that has come to define the Democrat party. The fact that they actually issued "rules" for food vendors to have at least three colors of food on each plate and that at least one-half of the meal should be fruits and vegetables is a joke. It's scary in a way that has Big Brother rearing its ugly head.

We are in SUCH deep dog doo-doo in this country!

(sigh)

NICKNAMES

Because of his inexperience, conservatives have been calling him

O B A M B I for obvious reasons.

So should we now call BidenThumper because of his loud mouth?

LIFE IN THE 'HOOD

(sigh)

So I moved into this neat, new neighborhood a year ago to relieve myself in my later years of all the upkeep and expense associated with tending a house, pool and three acres of yard. At the time I didn't appreciate how much those three acres did to maintain my privacy. Now, however, living in a villa with a lot of neighbors VERY close by, I am frustrated that I can no longer retrieve the morning paper in my nightclothes; I hate to put my recycle bin with several empty wine bottles out on the street for perusal; I can't seem to get into my house at any given time without encountering several neighbors who want to C H - A - T; I feel under some pressure to maintain a watering schedule for the shrubs and yard so that MY yard won't interrupt the continuity of the greenery on the street; I am perturbed that parking on the street is so limited that other folks park in front of my place, making it difficult to circumvent my driveway. Nuisances, all.

But my graying hair and large print alphabet soup remind me that I made the right decision.

(sigh)

HOW-TO (and other) BOOKS I WANNA WRITE

(sigh)

How to Persuade a Grown Son or Daughter to Take Your Advice (Showcasing Your Old Home Movies)

Sylvia Plath's Humor: An Interpretive Guide

How to Find Mr. Right (The Promise of Psychic Readings)

Reducing the Number of Pink Ties in San Francisco (A Guide to Cross Dressing in the Castro)

The Nuances of Sexual Karioke

Spank Him Like He's Your Bitch (A Guide to Successful Cohabitation)

I think the last one is my best chance for a best seller.

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OLYMPIC OBSERVATIONS

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The obvious take from the Olympics in Beijing is the Michael Phelps story, which just goes on and on. What an amazing athlete he is. There have been millions of words written about him this week alone -- all complimentary and all justified. The interesting backstory to his ongoing accomplishments in Beijing is that Phelps' attempt to break Mark Spitz' 1972 Olympic record of seven medals in one sport has met with a pout from Mark Spitz himself. It seems Spitz has been snubbed by Olympic officials and was not invited to be on hand for Phelps' run at his record. It would seem to have been the thing to do -- have Spitz on hand to pass his legacy on to Phelps -- but obviously the Committee was not interested in the possibility of Spitz singing "I Did it My Way" and stepping on Phelps' moment of glory. It was probably the right decision. I've seen Spitz in many interviews over the years and he comes across as an arrogant, pompous ass. Michael Phelps deserves better.

Then there's Eric Shanteau, a U.S. breastroke competitor who was found to have testicular cancer a week before Olympic trials. Against medical advice, he delayed surgery and follow-up treatment until he competed in Beijing.

OK. Now WHY is water polo an Olympic sport? And dressage?????

Why has China bested us in men's and women's gymnastics and diving? Have you noticed how the U.S. women's gymnastics team comes across as sullen, pouty brats? With the exception of Shawn Johnson, those girls look like teenagers from hell. (Shiver.)

All in all, China has put its best face forward. The opening ceremonies were unbelievable, the venues are state-of-the-art. With the exception of the air quality in Beijing, it seems to have proven itself so far to have been a good choice for these Olympics. We just have to "forget" the politics for two weeks.

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WHAT I SPEND MONEY ON

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Once in a while I print out a report on Quicken of what I've tossed coins at, and it almost always disturbs me. See, even though I'm aware at the time of what I'm spending money on, somehow when I see that report in black and white, I wonder what silliness overcomes me from time to time.

There are two of us in this house and we spend enough money on groceries to feed a family of six. We end up throwing so much of it away. It's ridiculous.

Coffeehouses have their corporate hand in my purse. Coffee beans, coffee drinks, chai teas, coffee mugs, ad infinitum. It's ridiculous.

Huge quantities of paper products because I can't go into Costco or B.J.'s without coming out with $200 worth of paper towels, toilet paper, sandwich bags, paper napkins, kleenex in the regular and boutique sizes. Of course, I then get home with all this stuff and bitch 'cause I don't have any place to store it all. It's ridiculous.

Bottled water. The tree huggers would hate me if they knew how much of this stuff I buy since the plastic is littering the planet. It's ridiculous.
Books. I have at least a dozen books I've bought since Christmas that I REALLY wanna read that still rest on the bookshelf collecting dust. More on the book thing at the end of this post. It's ridiculous.

I don't know why the manicure people extract such a huge toll on my pocketbook, especially since I hate a fingernail longer than the end of my finger. Somehow, though, I feel more "together" when these blasted nails are in good shape. I know. It's ridiculous.

Art. I'm picky here but have things that I love. I surround myself with these pieces and they bring me pleasure. But I spend too much on this stuff, especially since my children most likely will not appreciate my things and they'll sell or give them away when I'm gone. It's ridiculous.

But the thing I spend the MOST on is cookbooks, especially regional cookbooks. I devour them, read every recipe, make notes in the margins, plan time to actually COOK some of the gems I find in those pages. They're worth every penny I pay for them, and this is NOT ridiculous!

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SOMEBODY HAS TO SAY IT

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Regarding the upcoming election, most people, when asked, say that race doesn't matter. Most are untruthful.

Hillary Clinton's worst enemy is her husband.

John McCain will challenge Ronald Reagan's nap and senior moment records.

Casey Anthony has done something terrible to her child.

For all his self righteousness, Bill O'Reilly secretly lusts after beautiful young women.

I give San Francisco five years. It'll be destroyed -- not by an earthquake but by its own stupidity.

Portland, Oregon, and the entire states of Vermont and Massachusetts will follow San Francisco.

We can probably count on one hand the number of members of Congress who put the country first.

Bin Laden will never be found.

Most of us secretly would rather have a Big Mac than a salad.

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THINGS I REALLY WANNA DO (BUT DON'T HAVE THE NERVE)

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Sometimes when I'm distraught beyond belief, I gather my inner rudder (LOLOLOLOLOLOL) and think about things I don't have the nerve to do but would love to anyway if I had the chance. Here're a few:

Tell George Clooney, Sean Penn, Michael Moore, Barbra Streisand, Susan Sarandan, Tim Robbins, Alec Baldwin, Chris Matthews, Nancy Pelosi, Madonna, CNN, et al, what I really think.

Start a write-in campaign to cancel "Mythbusters."

Arrange a hostage-taking for my grandson and have him spirted away to a tattoo removal joint.

Enroll my intelligent and beautiful (but domestically challenged) daughter in a Home Economics course.

Sit on a Caribbean beach and sip margaritas ALL DAY LONG!

Accost parents who can't control their children in public places!

Schedule an exorcism for a particular woman in South Carolina.

Do too many of these things appear to be over-the-top PROACTIVE ???

Yeah, well. At least I'm honest.

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INNER RUDDER

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What the devil is an "inner rudder"?

I heard someone use that term today and I had to scour the web for an answer. Evidently it's the ability to calm yourself, blah, blah, blah. (Another yuppie term for "chill out & blame someone else for your utterly worthless life.")

How is it possible to calm oneself these days? Don't they know about San Francisco, the Bean Boys in Borders, what happens to one's gumline while aging?

Jeez.