MARRIED VERSUS DIVORCED

(sigh)

When you're married, your screen saver is a picture of your children or your grandchildren.
When you're divorced, your screen saver is a picture of your current flame.

When you're married, you take your vacation at the beach or the mountains.
When you're divorced, you take your vacation at Vegas.

When you're married, you drive a big, gas-guzzling luxury car.
When you're divorced, you go into hock for the Jag.

When you're married, your favorite TV show is "Oprah."
When you're divorced, your favorite TV show is "Talk Sex with Sue."

When you're married, you paint your bedroom off white.
When you're divorced, you paint your bedroom Chinese red.

When you're married, you buy sensible shoes.
When you're divorced, you buy stiletto heels.

When you're married, you do your own nails.
When you're divorced, you have your nails done at the salon every two weeks.

When you're married, you eat beef stroganoff and homemade rolls.
When you're divorced, you eat 3 ounces of grilled chicken and a salad of greens.

When you're married, your afternoon snack is a bag of peanut M & Ms.
When you're divorced, your afternoon snack is a cup of green tea.

When you're married, you're miserable.
When you're divorced, you're miserable.

(sigh)