(sigh)
You know, I love Fredericksburg, but sometimes there's a hokiness about it that just slays me. Take, for instance, some of the recent entries in the local paper for home-grown "entertainment."
Featured at JP's Sports Bar on Tuesday is 10-cent wing night where ladies play pool for free. But the ante rises on Wednesday's poker night. The wings are then a nickel more!
The Griffin Bookshop has outdone itself with local authors' signings/demonstrations of Christine Bemko Kril's I Can Do It! Piano Book and Donya Arias' discussion of Not What I Expected: The Unpredictable Road from Womanhood to Motherhood. OMG.
If THAT doesn't do it for you, there's always the golf cart scavenger hunt at Colonial Beach; an evening with the Biscuit Burners and their "fiery mountain music" or the edible art competition in old town; or the classic and muscle car club cruise-in at the Virginia Barbeque parking lot.
I don't know what to do first!
(sigh)
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
STREET SIGNS
(sigh)
Bill and I have been highly amused at street signs we've encountered the past several months and have been keeping a list as we see them. Here are a few:
Moot Point Lane
Lord's Corner
Hollering Hill
Pea Liquor Road
Hissy Road
Two Johns Road
Hole in the Woods Lane
Honey Pot Lane
Charlotte's Bottom
Jesus Speaks Road
Distillery Row
Cat Eye Court
I sure would like to know the backstory on these names, especially Charlotte's Bottom.
(sigh)
Bill and I have been highly amused at street signs we've encountered the past several months and have been keeping a list as we see them. Here are a few:
Moot Point Lane
Lord's Corner
Hollering Hill
Pea Liquor Road
Hissy Road
Two Johns Road
Hole in the Woods Lane
Honey Pot Lane
Charlotte's Bottom
Jesus Speaks Road
Distillery Row
Cat Eye Court
I sure would like to know the backstory on these names, especially Charlotte's Bottom.
(sigh)
Thursday, May 24, 2007
TECHNOLOGY BE DAMNED
(sigh)
You know you're getting old when stuff that used to be simple now requires a week-long course in the technology of all these freaking complicated machines. I am mystified.
I bought a flat screen TV. Someone hooked all the stuff up for me. Once that person left, I went for three days without being able to turn it on! I've never SEEN such a complicated device. All I need is an on/off button, a channel selector and a volume control button. I don't NEED to know the difference between digital and analog, digital voice, HD, on demand, pay-per-view, etc., etc. This TV has the HD receiver built in, so I thought I was simplifying things by purchasing one that had that. Little did I know. I have two remotes, both of which make me crazy. When I finally was able to figure out how to turn the damn set on, I couldn't figure out why the picture was cut off at the bottom. A friend had to tell me to push the "HD Zoom" button to restore it to normal viewing. OMG.
OK. If THAT wasn't enough, it took me six blasted weeks to get a domestic phone installed in my new place. Verizon is so busy laying fiber optic cable for its TV and internet services that it's forgotten it's a phone company. I won't even begin to go into the frustration I endured trying to communicate with a computer which four times called and scheduled an appointment for the installation -- and then no one showed up either time. When I was finally able to speak to a living, breathing person and scheduled the time and date, a computer showed up. Noooooooooo. Bad joke. But the point here is that this phone service is through fiber optics, they installed a box in my basement, gave me a MANUAL to read in case I had to troubleshoot a problem. They have given it to the wrong person. As I sit and type this, there's an annoying alarm going off at that box every 58 seconds. I have no idea what it means. I pulled out the manual, went down and stared at the box, see NOTHING in the troubleshooting guide to tell me what the hell's wrong. Another layer of frustration is that why couldn't they just leave well enough alone and give me a phone with wire on a pole running to the house? With the exception of the phone lines being damaged during Hurricane Isabel, in my entire lifetime I have NEVER ONCE had a problem with those phones. I DO NOT NEED NEW TECHNOLOGY!
Before I moved I had an HP printer that was working just dandy. It refuses to work in my new place. I've had the printer driver uninstalled and reinstalled. Nothing matters. It just refuses to cooperate. I have given up on it.
I think I'm living in a bubble. I want out of it!
(sigh)
You know you're getting old when stuff that used to be simple now requires a week-long course in the technology of all these freaking complicated machines. I am mystified.
I bought a flat screen TV. Someone hooked all the stuff up for me. Once that person left, I went for three days without being able to turn it on! I've never SEEN such a complicated device. All I need is an on/off button, a channel selector and a volume control button. I don't NEED to know the difference between digital and analog, digital voice, HD, on demand, pay-per-view, etc., etc. This TV has the HD receiver built in, so I thought I was simplifying things by purchasing one that had that. Little did I know. I have two remotes, both of which make me crazy. When I finally was able to figure out how to turn the damn set on, I couldn't figure out why the picture was cut off at the bottom. A friend had to tell me to push the "HD Zoom" button to restore it to normal viewing. OMG.
OK. If THAT wasn't enough, it took me six blasted weeks to get a domestic phone installed in my new place. Verizon is so busy laying fiber optic cable for its TV and internet services that it's forgotten it's a phone company. I won't even begin to go into the frustration I endured trying to communicate with a computer which four times called and scheduled an appointment for the installation -- and then no one showed up either time. When I was finally able to speak to a living, breathing person and scheduled the time and date, a computer showed up. Noooooooooo. Bad joke. But the point here is that this phone service is through fiber optics, they installed a box in my basement, gave me a MANUAL to read in case I had to troubleshoot a problem. They have given it to the wrong person. As I sit and type this, there's an annoying alarm going off at that box every 58 seconds. I have no idea what it means. I pulled out the manual, went down and stared at the box, see NOTHING in the troubleshooting guide to tell me what the hell's wrong. Another layer of frustration is that why couldn't they just leave well enough alone and give me a phone with wire on a pole running to the house? With the exception of the phone lines being damaged during Hurricane Isabel, in my entire lifetime I have NEVER ONCE had a problem with those phones. I DO NOT NEED NEW TECHNOLOGY!
Before I moved I had an HP printer that was working just dandy. It refuses to work in my new place. I've had the printer driver uninstalled and reinstalled. Nothing matters. It just refuses to cooperate. I have given up on it.
I think I'm living in a bubble. I want out of it!
(sigh)
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
HOME?
(sigh)
For those who read this blog, you know I moved from my home of 22 years a few weeks ago. The neighbors are wonderful, the place is beautiful -- brand new, spacious, contemporary, ME. I discarded lots of material things when I moved, tossed away lots of memories, purchased some new things that reflect just my tastes and style. But...
IT IS NOT YET HOME TO ME! There's no history here, which in a way is a good thing. But it's hard to start over at this late date, and I can't say that I'm excited about doing so. I walk around here wondering where things are, why I'm here, if I'll ever be comfortable in these new digs. I don't wish this fate on anyone.
I have friends whose husbands have passed away or whom they have divorced, and they echo the same feeling. As wives and girlfriends we put SOOO much effort into a marriage or relationship, and it's almost never returned in kind. But we get used to the deficit and are still lost when the relationship is over. I swear, I could write a book just on the things I've learned in the past two years. And trust me. It would not be pretty.
All right. Enough whining for the time being. Maybe it would help if I put a "Home Sweet Home" sign on the wall.
(double sigh)
For those who read this blog, you know I moved from my home of 22 years a few weeks ago. The neighbors are wonderful, the place is beautiful -- brand new, spacious, contemporary, ME. I discarded lots of material things when I moved, tossed away lots of memories, purchased some new things that reflect just my tastes and style. But...
IT IS NOT YET HOME TO ME! There's no history here, which in a way is a good thing. But it's hard to start over at this late date, and I can't say that I'm excited about doing so. I walk around here wondering where things are, why I'm here, if I'll ever be comfortable in these new digs. I don't wish this fate on anyone.
I have friends whose husbands have passed away or whom they have divorced, and they echo the same feeling. As wives and girlfriends we put SOOO much effort into a marriage or relationship, and it's almost never returned in kind. But we get used to the deficit and are still lost when the relationship is over. I swear, I could write a book just on the things I've learned in the past two years. And trust me. It would not be pretty.
All right. Enough whining for the time being. Maybe it would help if I put a "Home Sweet Home" sign on the wall.
(double sigh)
Thursday, May 10, 2007
THE FEMININE MISTAKE...AND MORE
(sigh)
The past couple of days I've taken a few hours off from being miserable to read Leslie Bennetts' book, The Feminine Mistake. Boy, is it enlightening.
This is a non-fiction account of several women's lives after giving up careers for home and family. Some of these women had high-powered jobs with unlimited earning power; some were in routine jobs making decent money but would never be rich. Their decisions to give up their careers once they married resulted in their downfall once their husbands either decided the wives were no longer interesting/attractive/"significant" enough to be their partner once their own fortunes escalated/etc., etc., etc. Some of the husbands eventually became ill/developed addictions/lost their jobs/thought the women spent too much time with the children/left the marriage for a "trophy" wife.
Men. How shallow they can be.
And women. How stupid we can be.
I have always felt that a lot of the problems stalking children today is that there is no one around to raise them properly... we are all working. There's no one around with enough time to really listen to them. No one around to encourage and support them. We are just too busy to really have time to spend with our children, so we hire nannies, tutors, counselors to deal with whatever needs they have. Then we are STUNNED when they develop emotional issues, addictions, problems in school. I still believe this.
However, Bennetts makes so many valid points in her book that I can't help but be swayed to change my mind somewhat. Two years ago I most likely would not have given it too much thought; but after what happened to me and my 40-year marriage, I have better insight into her point of view and believe that, as women, we'd better be willing to stay independent financially after we're married, no matter what the men's earnings are. No matter how much they insist we quit our jobs; no matter how many times they tell us to forget the nannies and stay home and raise HIS children. Once we leave our careers to raise a family, we have opted out for independence. By the time the children are old enough for us to return to the work force, we are too old to be competitive. Opting back in is more difficult than we can imagine, and we find this out all too quickly.
Although most of the book's scenarios don't necessarily apply to my situation, there are variables that do. Because I married and had our children fairly young, I was in my mid-thirties when I went to work in earnest. By then the children were old enough and independent enough themselves that this didn't create many issues. So, my career was significant enough and long enough to provide me with a retirement apart from his. Lucky me. And because of his decision to leave, the divorce settlement was more favorable to me.
But here's the thing. While I was fortunate to not to have to worry too terribly much about finances, I found that I was seriously dependent on him for other things -- and THAT has been what created so much turmoil in my life. When he was working and traveling so much when I was at home with the children, I handled all the finances. When he retired and I still had several years before I could, he took them over. Therefore, by the time he wanted out of the marriage, I had not so much as looked at what was going on with the money for several years. Our finances were slightly complicated, but he was an excellent manager of them; I just needed to re-familiarize myself with them. The worst was the role dependence I had -- he took care of the "guy" things and I handled the "girl" things. I did not WANT to deal with remembering when the oil needed changing in the car or when it had to be inspected; I did not WANT to call a plumber or electrician when something broke because HE usually fixed stuff; I did not WANT to deal with tax issues, yard work, pool repair, investments. Once he was gone, I had all of that to do in addition to dealing with the emotional issues surrounding the end of the marriage. I nearly did not survive. But I traded cars, managed to get a budget in place to deal with the change in income, sold my home, purchased a new one -- decisions I made by myself. I was terrified, but I had no choice and feel proud of myself for having accomplished those things.
The point here is that I have changed my mind about women staying home to raise the children. We need to establish ourselves as the important components to the work force as well as to our families and ourselves, and we can't do this by proxy. So, in order for the children not to suffer while we're doing this, it's obvious that the men are going to have to step up to the plate and assume more responsibility for child rearing. Why we've let them get away with NOT doing that is astounding to me. Yeah, yeah...they may make more money/have to travel/have long hours...but those can no longer be excuses.
I'm not sure I like what I see, but my eyes have been opened.
(sigh)
The past couple of days I've taken a few hours off from being miserable to read Leslie Bennetts' book, The Feminine Mistake. Boy, is it enlightening.
This is a non-fiction account of several women's lives after giving up careers for home and family. Some of these women had high-powered jobs with unlimited earning power; some were in routine jobs making decent money but would never be rich. Their decisions to give up their careers once they married resulted in their downfall once their husbands either decided the wives were no longer interesting/attractive/"significant" enough to be their partner once their own fortunes escalated/etc., etc., etc. Some of the husbands eventually became ill/developed addictions/lost their jobs/thought the women spent too much time with the children/left the marriage for a "trophy" wife.
Men. How shallow they can be.
And women. How stupid we can be.
I have always felt that a lot of the problems stalking children today is that there is no one around to raise them properly... we are all working. There's no one around with enough time to really listen to them. No one around to encourage and support them. We are just too busy to really have time to spend with our children, so we hire nannies, tutors, counselors to deal with whatever needs they have. Then we are STUNNED when they develop emotional issues, addictions, problems in school. I still believe this.
However, Bennetts makes so many valid points in her book that I can't help but be swayed to change my mind somewhat. Two years ago I most likely would not have given it too much thought; but after what happened to me and my 40-year marriage, I have better insight into her point of view and believe that, as women, we'd better be willing to stay independent financially after we're married, no matter what the men's earnings are. No matter how much they insist we quit our jobs; no matter how many times they tell us to forget the nannies and stay home and raise HIS children. Once we leave our careers to raise a family, we have opted out for independence. By the time the children are old enough for us to return to the work force, we are too old to be competitive. Opting back in is more difficult than we can imagine, and we find this out all too quickly.
Although most of the book's scenarios don't necessarily apply to my situation, there are variables that do. Because I married and had our children fairly young, I was in my mid-thirties when I went to work in earnest. By then the children were old enough and independent enough themselves that this didn't create many issues. So, my career was significant enough and long enough to provide me with a retirement apart from his. Lucky me. And because of his decision to leave, the divorce settlement was more favorable to me.
But here's the thing. While I was fortunate to not to have to worry too terribly much about finances, I found that I was seriously dependent on him for other things -- and THAT has been what created so much turmoil in my life. When he was working and traveling so much when I was at home with the children, I handled all the finances. When he retired and I still had several years before I could, he took them over. Therefore, by the time he wanted out of the marriage, I had not so much as looked at what was going on with the money for several years. Our finances were slightly complicated, but he was an excellent manager of them; I just needed to re-familiarize myself with them. The worst was the role dependence I had -- he took care of the "guy" things and I handled the "girl" things. I did not WANT to deal with remembering when the oil needed changing in the car or when it had to be inspected; I did not WANT to call a plumber or electrician when something broke because HE usually fixed stuff; I did not WANT to deal with tax issues, yard work, pool repair, investments. Once he was gone, I had all of that to do in addition to dealing with the emotional issues surrounding the end of the marriage. I nearly did not survive. But I traded cars, managed to get a budget in place to deal with the change in income, sold my home, purchased a new one -- decisions I made by myself. I was terrified, but I had no choice and feel proud of myself for having accomplished those things.
The point here is that I have changed my mind about women staying home to raise the children. We need to establish ourselves as the important components to the work force as well as to our families and ourselves, and we can't do this by proxy. So, in order for the children not to suffer while we're doing this, it's obvious that the men are going to have to step up to the plate and assume more responsibility for child rearing. Why we've let them get away with NOT doing that is astounding to me. Yeah, yeah...they may make more money/have to travel/have long hours...but those can no longer be excuses.
I'm not sure I like what I see, but my eyes have been opened.
(sigh)
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
FAILURE OF IMAGINATION
(sigh)
While discussing a serious issue today with a friend, he told me that the reason some folks can see only one side of something is a failure of imagination. I've been thinking about that. If someone had asked ME that question, my response would have been something along the lines of "probably because their life experiences give them only one frame of reference." The "failure of imagination" concept carries my thought a step further.
Unfortunately, I can't include in this blog the serious issue we were discussing, which makes this post ambiguous at best. But suffice it to say that if people had more imagination, understanding one's neighbor, friend, lover, co-worker, etc., would be so much easier. For the most part though, we don't have it. We don't think outside the box. We can't conceive of anyone thinking too terribly differently from ourselves. And this tends to make us judgmental. Not a good thing.
At some point, this issue I've been mentioning may well make itself known through this blog. And for those of you who read me, I hope you'll remember this particular post. It'll have more meaning then.
(sigh)
While discussing a serious issue today with a friend, he told me that the reason some folks can see only one side of something is a failure of imagination. I've been thinking about that. If someone had asked ME that question, my response would have been something along the lines of "probably because their life experiences give them only one frame of reference." The "failure of imagination" concept carries my thought a step further.
Unfortunately, I can't include in this blog the serious issue we were discussing, which makes this post ambiguous at best. But suffice it to say that if people had more imagination, understanding one's neighbor, friend, lover, co-worker, etc., would be so much easier. For the most part though, we don't have it. We don't think outside the box. We can't conceive of anyone thinking too terribly differently from ourselves. And this tends to make us judgmental. Not a good thing.
At some point, this issue I've been mentioning may well make itself known through this blog. And for those of you who read me, I hope you'll remember this particular post. It'll have more meaning then.
(sigh)
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