RELATIONSHIPS

(deep sigh)

What is it about modern-day relationships, even those between two people who grew up in the fifties and sixties when commitment meant something, that causes things to run amok? You'd think we'd be old enough, wise enough, experienced enough to put those things aside that drove us crazy in high school and college. Maybe it's just that people are human and that no matter how much we are intellectually aware of stuff we nonetheless still have feelings of insecurity from time to time. And those insecurities, whether they emanated from past failed relationships or something quite different, tend to rear their ugly heads at always the wrong times.

It's been a rough two years for me here, and I'm not sure my sanity is intact as I sit here blogging away. The end of a long, long marriage and the resulting depression and hopelessness was enough to put me away. Eventually I caught my breath and dated quite a bit -- all kind, interesting guys but only one in the course of a year was meaningful. Until I met Bill.

This has been a significant relationship for a year -- a magical one, if you please. But, as in most relationships, there are issues. Issues that we are working to resolve, but the work is slow and tedious. I've never known anyone so thoughtful, so creative, so caring as Bill. He is so different from anyone I've ever known, which is what fascinates me. But this "difference" also perplexes me, as I'm certain my idiosyncracies do him. And this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it DOES at times jeopardize the stability of the relationship. Both of us have been hurt by past relationships, which tends to sometimes make us tenuous and vulnerable to "perceived" injustices.

At this stage of our lives, I don't think either of us can change the way we think, the individual needs we have, the things that push our buttons. But this guy is worth whatever effort it takes, and I'm prepared to make it. Hopefully he feels the same about me.

(more deep sighs)