HEIGHT-OF-ABSURDITY CHRISTMAS GIFTS

(sigh)

OMG.

While trying to recuperate from the crud from hell recently, the efforts of a mindless television industry innundated me with stuff that just blew me away. I lay in a stupor looking at commercials for Doggie Steps, which is a stairway-like thing that pet owners place at the foot of their beds (or sofas, or toilets, or what-the-hell-other places) so that the animal can easily traverse the couple of feet required; and some kind of automatic device for raking cat litter boxes. The "Petsmart" stores have speed bumps in front of them so we almost have to come to a stop if someone is crossing the five-foot area to their parking space with a leashed animal! WE ARE F______G NUTS IN THIS COUNTRY, DO YOU HEAR?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, a disclaimer. I like dogs. I do not like cats. But I have friends who do. So there.

DO NOT WRITE ME ABOUT HOW WRONG I AM ABOUT THIS. YOU WILL NEVER CONVINCE ME! I don't believe a pet's place is residing in the same enclosed space with humans, and I especially don't think an animal's place is on the bed with folks. I don't care how clean you think your pet is, it ain't. Until they find a way to keep animals from licking their private parts and then licking you in the face, I shall feel this way. And the next time I see an animal regurgitate and then dine a second time on it, I shall take a picture and include it on this blog as evidence supporting my case.

I know, I know. Cats are supposed to be clean. Not. Think of how many times they've excused themselves to the litter box where there are several days' worth of "business" and then "sprightly and adoringly" leapt to your kitchen counter top where your salad will soon be prepared.

Nope. You'll never convince me that the animal dander isn't in the air I breathe, that their behinds are clean, that they don't have odors.......unpleasant ones at that. But since there are all these new inventions out there catering to pet lovers, it's only a matter of time before someone develops a device for cleansing the business areas of pets, all for only $19.95 plus a small fee for shipping and handling.

(sigh)