WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL: I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. Now I'm not judging, but what we need to do is help him realize how unhealthy he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems. All he has to do is ask himself, "How's it workin' for me so far?" How am I doin' so far?

OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. I'm so impressed by his personal courage and willingness to share his plight. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes, which is a cruel part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. I think there are some kind of chicken weapons on the other side of the road, but whether there are or not makes no difference. There is no middle ground here, and I'm more than willing to defend the American farmer.

CHAIRMAN, JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not have sexual relations with that chicken.Well, not THAT chicken.

FOX NEWS: Whatever the President says, we agree with it. It's the liberal press who's distorting everything.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

AL GORE: I'm certain it has to do with global warming. Did I tell you I invented the Chicken Crossing process?

DICK CHENEY: Yes, I meant to shoot the chicken. But my friend looked like a chicken and I accidentally shot him instead. I'm a politician. Mistakes happen. Shut up.

PAT BUCHANAN: He obviously crossed the road to steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:To die in the rain. Alone!

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

SENIOR CITIZENS: In our day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. We could trust our leaders back then.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: "Imagine" all the chickens-- living in the world. Crossing roads together - in peace and harmony. All we want is.... just give chickens a chance."

ARISTOTLE: It is in the nature of chickens to cross a road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken'06, which will not only cross roads, but will facilitate egg laying, file important hen house documents and balance chicken check books. Our Platform is much more stable and will never crash....

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?