QUOTE OF THE WEEK

A friend in need is a friend I don't need. -- Kevin

JACK AND JILL

(LOL)

I love this:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down with two and a half.
Think they went up for water?

WORDS FOR THE WEEK

cambium

punctilio

soigne

ruche

pibroch

midden

IT'S THE ECONOMY, STUPID

(sigh)

I can hear it now. Three months before the next Presidential election the Dems will have assumed their usual blame-game stance. Everything bad that's occurred during the past eight years of a Republican administration will now be the fault of George W. Bush and Company, and anything positive will have been the direct result of that liberal group which calls itself the Democrat party. This is such nonsense. The economy is cyclical and runs in waves regardless of who's leading the country. The stock market is by turns skittish, ebullient, poutish, exuberant, temperamental and ALWAYS responsive to the least ort of either positive or negative news. The folks in the Middle East will forever be aiming rockets at one another no matter what we do; the Federal budget will never be balanced so long as there are ways to spend it; there will never be tax reform; Social Security will never go belly up because politicians know their asses will be over the proverbial pork barrel if they don't keep patching up the holes; we're always going to be debating pro life vs. pro choice, the right to die with dignity, affirmative action, corruption in professional sports. There's no end to the issues to which the Dems and Republicans can sling their arrows. It makes me sick to think about what's coming -- what ALWAYS comes before an election -- and that's our national stupidity in LISTENING to this never-ending rhetoric.
I'd just as soon be plugged in to 4' x 4' windowless room with country music piped in 24/7.

Nah.
Politics aren't THAT bad.

(sigh)

SADDAM'S RUMBLING BELLY

(sigh)

Do we REALLY care whether Saddam's been on a hunger strike for 17 days and has been admitted to the hospital to be fed intravenously? I think not. This ploy of his to protest the murder of one of his lawyers is absurd. A drama queen he is. He knows full well the Americans will never let him starve himself to death -- will, in fact, enrich him with every nutrient known to man in order to keep his sorry butt alive 'til trial's end so that the Iraqi people may then execute him. Justice moves in mysterious ways, does it not?

(sigh)

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

"Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?"

THE GLASS IS HALF FULL

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One day last spring while doing my civic duty volunteering at the local hospital, I met a man who was most unusual. He was accompanied by his wife of 55 years. This gentleman had received a Purple Heart in the Korean War and had lost a son in the 1968 Tet Offensive in Vietnam. Within the past three years he had lost a lung to cancer and recovered from triple bypass surgery.  His wife was a breast cancer survivor. They were caring for their grown granddaughter who has cerebral palsy. Neither he nor his wife were patients at the hospital that day.


They were new volunteers.

(sigh)

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Your failure to plan ahead does not constitute my emergency. -- Anonymous

SPANISH AND ME

(sigh)

For those of you who read this blog on a regular basis, you know that I have been concerned about the Spanish language becoming so prevalent in this country that those of us who do not know espanol are truly at a disadvantage. I have therefore committed to learning the language by cassettes -- a do-it-yourself exercise in self improvement.

To initiate myself into all things Spanish, I'm hosting a Cuban luncheon later this month complete with authentic criollo dishes, Latin music and decorations. I realize Cuba isn't necessarily the place on which I should focus, but it interests me and they DO speak Spanish there.

Check back for language progress.

(sigh)

GYM RATS

(sigh)

I'm a member at this gym, see, where I go to torture myself three times a week. I go because I know I should, not because I particularly enjoy it. There ARE some aspects of it that are pleasant, such as the feeling of accomplishment once I've worked out and the nice friendships I've made with people who are there for the same reason I am and nothing more.

And then there are the gym rats.

I've been trying to decide for a year now if they are there out of sheer love for the bench press, if they're hooked on the endorphin high from a strenuous workout, or if they're there entirely for the social aspect. For a few, I've decided it's the first two reasons; but for the majority, I think it's the social aspect.

Take Carlie, for instance. This is a thirty-something, average-looking woman who has been at the gym every day that I have for the past 15 months. She is there mornings when I am, has been there in the afternoon when I've returned to retrieve a lost item, has been there several evenings when I took friends to try to interest them in joining. She's there when I get there, still there when I leave. She seems to know every individual who walks through the door in addition to the manager, the receptionists, the personal trainers, the folks who work in the beauty salon, the juice counter people. Does she work out? I THINK so. I have seen her on an exercise bike a couple of times and on the treadmill once. But mostly she just HANGS OUT....sipping on a mango shake or reading the latest fitness mags or jawing with the help. Bless her heart.

The people who seem to be truly dedicated are the guys. They're always pumping iron, strutting around in their skimpy little gym shorts re-adjusting themselves, wiping sweat from their brows with their forearms. There are some really buff ones, too, but they crack me up walking in with their $50 razor haircuts and year-round tans. You can't help but look at'em, but they just don't ring true somehow.

It's an experience, believe me. A really good gym can put people-watching in the record books.

(sigh)

TEN THINGS

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I know a man who
1) makes me unbelievably crazy
2) treats me with the utmost respect
3) can get on my last nerve
4) is the sexiest guy I know
5) NEVER knows what time it is
6) has the most romantic, caring nature
7) knows NOTHING about Duke basketball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8) is trying to LEARN about Duke basketball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9) is a pack rat
10) makes me ecstatically happy!

Ahh, love.

(sigh)

WILL PATSY RAMSEY REST IN PEACE?

(sigh)

Patsy Ramsey died several days ago. Whether she was innocent or guilty of the death of her daughter, Jon Benet, remains to be seen. Either way, tormented she must have been. This case so fascinated me in 1996 when Jon Benet's tiny body was found that I followed it closely for years. It always struck me as odd that there were inconsistencies in the information surrounding the son, Burke, that were never explained, and it seemed logical that if he had in any way been involved that the parents would do everything they could to cover it up. After all, they had just lost their daughter -- could they bear to lose a son to the justice system? Even though he was a minor, his life would have forever been a shambles.

As I re-think it today I doubt if ANY of the Ramseys had anything whatsoever to do with Jon Benet's death -- that it was, in fact, a malicious homicide by an intruder. I personally know three people who worked the forensics and profiling aspects of the case and who had direct contact with the Ramseys and the Boulder Police Department. I won't elaborate on their take on case specifics, but all three agree that the Boulder PD made so many errors that the case was heavily compromised from the first hours. Suffice it to say that this will forever be one for the books and will be debated for years. And I doubt if we'll EVER really know who killed Jon Benet.

(sigh)

FIRST ONE THING, THEN ANOTHER

(sigh)

First it's al-Qaeda, then Iraq, then Iran, now North Korea. I swear, we're gonna blow one another away.

(sigh)

A RE-READING OF THE CONFESSIONS OF NAT TURNER AND THE FIRES OF JUBILEE

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For those of you unfamiliar with William Styron's 1967 Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, The Confessions of Nat Turner, and Stephen Oates' The Fires of Jubilee, which is an in-depth treatment of the slave revolt led by Turner in 1831 in Jerusalem (now Courtland), Virginia, I suggest you include them in your summer reading. I read these books 25 years ago and have just re-read them. They fascinate me.

Nat Turner was a slave in Southampton County, Virginia, and was also a self-appointed preacher of sorts. The slave rebellion he led in 1831 resulted in the deaths of 55 whites, both young and old, and resulted in Turner's execution by hanging. There is, in fact, still a street in Courtland called Hanging Tree Road.

The implications of what prompted the 1831 revolt and subsequent massacre are fodder for a plethora of discussions about slavery itself, man's inhumanity to man, ad infinitum. Whites and blacks have both praised and berated Styron's novel, which is inherently a true story but told in the first person of Turner himself. Some see Styron's treatment of the incident as racist; others see it as visionary. Whatever your personal take on the events, it will undoubtedly be based on your own life experiences and prejudices. Each of us will read something different into Styron's account.

Oates' The Fires of Jubilee is a biography of Turner and includes maps and itineraries of the massacre itself. Twenty-five years ago my family and I retraced the steps of that horrible night in 1831 and were amazed at the distance covered by Turner and the others in those few hours. We did this in the summer and languished in the heat and humidity of Southampton County, just as Turner must have. This was a harrowing event and not something the good folks of that area talk about freely, even today. It's history though, and we all should read these two books and form our own opinions.

(sigh)

HAIR SALONS: THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT DO IF 1)YOU'RE GAY 2)YOU'RE STRAIGHT 3)YOU'RE BI

(sigh)
THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT DO IN A HAIR SALON:

1) IF YOU'RE GAY:
Do not pretend you're straight -- you will incur the ire of those who have "come out."
Do not look admiringly at the curling iron, especially if your partner is present.
Do not accede necessarily to the stylist's suggestions about your hair -- you know almost as much as he does.
Do not wear your purple silk shirt when you have highlights put in your hair -- the glare will be unbearable.Do not mention the words "Mix and Match" when discussing fashion with your stylist.Do not over-tip as it may be misconstrued as a come-on.
Do not forget to share with your stylist Christopher Lowell's most recent design tips.
Do not forget your DVD of "Brokeback Mountain" to loan your stylist -- provided he hasn't already seen it and bought 50 copies for his "best" friends for Christmas.
Do not engage in finger-snapping exhibitions with your stylist while waiting for your perm to neutralize.
Do not forget to mention the memorial plans on the anniversary of Judy's death when talking to your stylist.
Do not hesitate to take bitchiness to the next level by insisting that your stylist eliminate the mousse and instead use Matrix's Flake-Free Flexible Gel.
Do not forget that you're a successful, contented fairy and should therefore be treated with respect. This will include being offered a triple cream, half-caf frappaccino while reading the latest edition of "Glamour" while you languish under the dryer.

2) IF YOU'RE STRAIGHT:
Do not pretend you're gay -- you can never come close to mimicking the swishiness required.
Do not get into a discussion about the merits of the curling iron -- you may hear things you'd rather not.
Do not argue with the stylist about your hair care -- he is omnipotent and s a v v y not only about what to do with your hair but also your clothes, fragrance, accessories.
Do not succumb to wearing your plaid shirt to have your hair cut -- you will be the topic of conversation and sixteen snickers about your lack of style.Do not mention that you don't CARE whether your plaid shirt looks redneck.Do not under-tip as you will be regarded as the cheap, unsophisticated buffoon they see all straight men to be.
Do not mention that you pray every day that Christopher Lowell's TV show will be cancelled.
Do not mention that you can't imagine why "Brokeback Mountain" got a nomination for Best Picture.
Do not be offended when your stylist attempts to show you his finger-snapping abilities while waiting for the next shampoo station.
Do not DARE ask "Judy who?" when your stylist mentions plans for memorializing her on the anniversary of her death.
Do not flinch when your stylist insists upon a volumizing gel for your short, short
haircut.
Do not say, "Have you lost your freakin' mind?" when asked if you'd like a triple cream, half-caf frappaccino and the latest edition of "Glamour" to browse.
3) IF YOU'RE BI
Forget it. Buy yourself a Flowbee. You don't have a prayer.

(sigh)