IT'S HELL TO GET OLD

(sigh)

What happens to old people? Is it a rite of passage for everyone eligible for AARP membership to become cranky, crotchety demons of dour? My 85-year-old father is one of these, and it gets worse as time progresses. A recent rant was precipitated by the Hershey bars he requested I bring him did not have ALMONDS! And since he LIKES almonds, and since Hershey bars with ALMONDS are his only reason to open his eyes every day, the fact that the ones I took him didn't have ALMONDS was cause for a tongue-lashing of major proportions! Didn't I OMG KNOW that he only liked Hershey bars with ALMONDS?!!! (No.) Didn't I know that ALMONDS were a major source of protein for him? (How ridiculous.) Didn't I know that he had been waiting weeks for Hershey bars with ALMONDS and now he would have to wait even longer? (Even more ridiculous.)

For some reason his food preferences have gone awry, and the fact that I don't (and couldn't possibly!) keep up with them is cause for even more discontent. A recent exchange:

85-year-old Dad: Don't you know I don't like shrimp?
Young-beautiful daughter: I thought you did.I thought you did.
85-year-old Dad: Well, I used to, but I don't any more.
Young-beautiful daughter: Well, I'll fix you something else.I'm sorry, Daddy. I'll fix you 85-year-old Dad: No, it's too late now. I'm not hungry any more..
78-year-old Uncle: Well, if he doesn't want the shrimp, I'll eat his.
85-year-old Dad: The hell you will. They're mine. You have your own.
78-year-old Uncle: I just thought if you weren't gonna eat them, it'd be a waste to throw them away.
85-year-old Dad: Who's throwing them away?
He then proceeded to clean his plate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O.  M.  G.

(sigh)