THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP

(sigh)

I have a friend in Albuquerque whom I have known and loved for 32 years. A friend who understands me and all my shortcomings and loves me anyway. A friend who has helped sustain me through some terribly emotional times, who has listened, sighed, cried, supported me even when I'm sure she didn't agree with my thought processes. A friend who has ALWAYS been there, no matter what was going on in HER life. A friend who has given me her best counsel ALWAYS without preaching EVER. A friend who has the gumption to tell me when she thinks I'm off on a tangent or not using my best judgment. I know I can bounce things off her and she will, if ASKED, give me an honest appraisal. She has seen me at my very worst, my very lowest, my very saddest, and a few times at my very best. I don't see her often because of the miles between us, but we talk regularly and share our lives.

She and her family and my family and I were living in Indiana when we met. Our sons were the same age and were great friends immediately. They explored childhood together doing all the wonderful (and sometimes questionable) things little boys do, played on the same sports teams, went to the same school, fished the same ponds. They spent hundreds of hours with those fishing poles, and it didn't seem to matter whether they actually caught anything or not. They just enjoyed the adventure and the camaraderie.

My family moved to Virginia in 1979, leaving those wonderful friends in Indiana, but we always stayed in touch. The boys visited back and forth from Virginia to Indiana in the summers, never missing a beat in their friendship. One June morning I got a call from this amazing woman who is my friend, telling me that her son (and who I felt was MY son, too!) had been killed the night before in an automobile accident.

THERE ARE NO WORDS HERE.  THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN BE SAID TO DESCRIBE THE ANGUISH ALL OF US FELT, AND CONTINUE TO FEEL EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

The funeral was the most emotional event I have ever attended. The loss to those parents, sisters, grandparents, friends was indescribable. My son was inconsolable. Seeing his grief at the loss of his friend at such a young age was one of the most difficult things I have endured. I cannot IMAGINE what my friends have suffered in losing a son.

But life goes on. We have survived moves, life-threatening health events to our loved ones, divorce, death of parents, you name it. But through it all, she and I have remained as close as ever, and I value her friendship as much as I do breathing....sometimes more. She is married to a wonderful man, also my friend, and they have sustained one another throughout his open-heart surgery, the loss of that son, years of life-altering events. They have remained steady, reliable, compassionate, wise. The quote in my blog profile by Emily Dickinson, "My friends are my estate," refers first and foremost to these two wonderful people. I love you, Diana and Randy.

(sigh)