HOW TO BE SINGLE, FEMALE AND SURVIVE TRADING CARS

(sigh)
They see us coming, you know.
They know we don't know the difference between torque and throttle (see, I didn't even know what to COMPARE it to!).
They know we don't CARE if there is traction control, sport-tuned suspension, stiffer springs, spoilers, speed-sensitive steering, performance exhaust (what IS that anyway???). However, I honestly DID have one salesman, when I mentioned the less advantageous gas mileage between his car and another I had been looking at, tell me that THE CAR HE WAS SELLING HAD AN (OMG) LARGER GAS TANK THAN THE OTHER SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT GAS IN AS OFTEN!!! I'm blond, but not a DUMB blond! Laughing hysterically, I asked him what that had to do with the MPG the car got.........and you know what? I don't think he knew!!!
What we DO care about is whether there is leather interior so when we spill our coffee it wipes right up; dual cup holders for that coffee AND the other space for our cell phones; an automatic trunk release so after we've been shopping we can open it from 20 paces out and can just drop our packages right in; lighted mirrors so we can check our lipstick in the dark; that the car's the right color and that it matches several of our best outfits; climate control so we can keep those hot flashes at bay; that it has a good warranty to reduce our having to discuss torque, etc., with a service technician who thinks 1) that we're all dumb blonds and 2) that his 3-week vacation to the islands will be paid for by this particular repair job; that it has good, reliable tires so that our chances for a flat are reduced while driving up and down I 95 to the malls -- all the important stuff. (Did I mention I'm not a DUMB blond?)
THEY know WE know how much we can afford to pay each month, and they can screw with the numbers any way from Sunday so long as that monthly payment is no more than what we decided coming in. Twelve cups of coffee, a couple of stale donuts and five trips to the restroom later, my eyes have glazed over. Charge us for transferring the tags or not, undercoating or not, freight, processing fees (yeah, right)..............just give me the bottom line and LET ME OUT OF THAT DEALERSHIP IN UNDER 8 HOURS!!! I HAVE SHOPPING TO DO!