SOUTHERN TRADITIONS (FOOD)

(sigh)

Many thousands of words have been written over the years about southern food and the traditions which surround it. Thought I'd add my two cents' worth.

There are some foods so identified with the south (and even specific AREAS of the south, such as Smithfield ham, Brunswick stew, Jambalaya) that to include them in a general cookbook would be unthinkable. That's why there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of small, spiral-bound local cookbooks sold every year. These diminutive collections of southern dishes usually contain Aunt Ethel's coconut cream pie recipe, the ingredients and measurements for Cousin Tate's beaten biscuits, many versions of Hoppin' John and at least ten recipes for the "best" fried green tomatoes. Flip to the back of these jewels and you'll most likely find a small section with tried-and-true tips for canning, cleaning "chitlins" (soak in Clorox!) and removing Grapette stains from your fancy white tablecloth. Two of the best here: 1) The next time the milk goes sour, do not throw it out. Use it to whiten laces. 2) (and my favorite) To remove gum from hair, rub a plain chocolate bar in hair -- then wash.

Southerners have elevated the simplest of foods to the "hors d'oeuvres" category. Take, for example, the fact that we think adding chopped olives to sardine slices constitutes a hoity-toity appetizer; or dipping shrimp in French dressing is the classiest ever pre-dinner morsel. How about liverwurst with pistachio nuts? Cheese cubes with an olive attached by a toothpick (anything with a toothpick is ELEGANT). Cream cheese with chopped pickle? Caviar flavored with onion juice?
Almost every book is dedicated to that area's most renowned cook, who may or may not have passed away. Regardless, there will be many of that culinary legend's famous recipes interspersed throughout every single section. You'd be wise to place a checkmark by those recipes -- after all, the queen of the cooks didn't get that recognition from baking brownies from a box.

Now, in the south we will feed you to death. You will never leave our homes hungry or thirsty -- ever. If you're around for breakfast, you'll certainly be offered grits, maybe some cracklins, some hoe cakes, fried country ham with red eye gravy, possibly some pigs' brains and eggs with a side of biscuits and saw mill gravy as well. You'll be tempted at lunch with butterbeans, fried green tomatoes, a bowl of Brunswick stew, smothered pork chops or chicken fried steak, corn bread seasoned with bacon drippings (FRIED, NOT BAKED!), southern tea cakes, pecan pie and coconut cake. All, of course, washed down with pitchers of sweet iced tea. Stay for supper and you'll have to rock fast in that front porch chair to work off that mound of fried catfish or fried chicken, collard greens, cornfield peas, huge casseroles of macaroni and cheese, and baskets of steaming hush puppies. And won't you have just a teeny sliver of each of the desserts? A touch of blackberry cobbler, your choice of lemon or chocolate chess pie and maybe a smallish slice of our classic Lane cake. And lest you've forgotten, more pitchers of sweet iced tea.

For some reason the south enjoys love affairs with everything regarding hogs and chickens. We'll cook and eat anything from the hog. Real southern cooks know their way around pork chops, pork tenderloin, pork barbecue, pork brains, pork spareribs, pigs' feet, pigs' knuckles, pork stew, pork roast, pork spaghetti, pork chili, pork rinds (regular and low-carb - hahaha), country ham and the fabled "mountain oysters."
We love chicken, too, and have a plethora of dishes made from it: fried chicken, chicken and dumplings, chicken pot pie, chicken soup, chicken and rice, chicken and noodles, bullfrog chicken, chicken casserole, chicken salad, chicken
sandwiches. We fry it, smother it, bake it, stew it, boil it, broil it, barbecue it, blacken it.

Every southern kitchen worth mentioning has a container of bacon grease sitting on the stove for "seasoning," or just plain frying something up. Always there are crocks of salt for brining stuff, bowls of unshelled peanuts, pantries with fruit cakes steeped in bourbon. At Christmas we'll seduce you with our peanut pies, gorgeous Red Velvet cakes, homemade fudge, cinnamon pecans, crispy cheese straws, pineapple upside-down cake.

If you're fortunate enough to know a southern cook, do whatever you have to in order to arrive in time for fixins. You'll enjoy hospitality at its finest, a wonderful repast and most certainly a stuffed doggie bag to take along with you. MMMMMMMMM